Pirates and Privateers
The History of Maritime Piracy

Cindy Vallar, Editor & Reviewer
P. O. Box 425, Keller, TX  76244-0425

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A Pirate's Yule

By Mimi Foxmorton
  (With a half-hearted apology to Clement C. Moore)

'Twas the Night Before Yule And all through the Ship The storm it were blowin' The mast it did dip.
The bow lines were hung all in knots and afire Somethin' had to done Or we all would expire.
The Pirates were gathered All 'round their brave Cap'n An' wondered out loud How could this be happ'nin'?
There were pirates with hooks And pirates with patches Then from aloft came th' cry Batt'n down th' hatches!
When off t' me larb'ard There arose such a spout I knocked back me rum Tried t' figure it out. (author note: They're MY grandchildren. I can say 'rum' iffen I want.)
Quick up the ratlin's I climbed a bit rash But fell t' th' poopdeck (For I tangled me sash.)
Th' moon on th' crest O' me new fallen booty Gave me pause t' be frightened But I knew me duty.
When what t' me wanderin' One eye should appear? But Neptune himself, He were sheddin' a tear.
"Oh why, he did ask me "must this world be so thick With Man against Man Like they don't care a lick?"
More rapid than grapeshot Our misdeeds he did name And he cursed and he shouted As he called them by name:
There's pillagin' & plunderin' And not mindin' your Mothers. There's judgin' yer Neighbor I can think of some others! There's hatred and selfishness They all are quite crude. But the worst of them all's When ye be just plain rude!
It's up to you to do somethin' Ye be charged wit' th' call! Now pull up your boot straps And stand pirate-tall!
As dry-leaves that before Salmagundi meat pie When it greets an old pirate Who's only one eye. (author note: Oh, deal with it. None of us ever knew what that stanza meant anyway.)
So, up t' th' crow's nest Like a seagull I flew Wi' me cutlass pulled out An' me hat all askew. (author note: Aye, th' very hat what yer Grandpappy Slappy promised me!)
And then in a twinklin' It came until me I knew that I had To make others see.
That bein' a Pirate's A most noble call But there's rules t' be followed Even in a great squall. You can't do what ye likes Wit'out followin' Th' Code For iffen ye do Neptune's wrath it will bode. Wear your Pirate garb proudly And do all your work Keep you cabin all tidy Don't act like a jerk!
Th' Cap'n th' boss Misbehave? I don't buy it. I run a tight ship Mutiny? Don't ye tries it.
I explained on that night Pirate mates work together For sharing yer work Makes it light as a feather. You could STILL be a pirate And ne'er be tame Play jokes on your Mom And be not at all lame.
The Pirates they thought This was a great plan To help one another When caught in a jam. They agreed that they always Would follow the Code Be the best Pirates e'er Help shoulder the load.
For even a Pirate If he takes a good look Will see that occasionally He needs a friend's hook. To help and to guide him When he's far out t' sea Or searchin' for treasure Where e'er that might be.
Then Neptune came forward His eyes all a twinkle The sea settled down There were nary a wrinkle. I'm proud of ye all Said the great, hug wet man Ye'll give it your best And do what ye can. Be proud! Be a Pirate! An' ne'er take a fall For bein' a Pirate's the best thing of all!
The Pirates rushed forward To say their farewell And meeting his eye I gave out a yell. "Me thanks for yer honesty And remindin' the others To be kind to your family Yer sisters and brothers."
He gave me a nod I'll ne'er forget A changed Pirate I was On that ye can bet. For you see 'twas that night On the Eve of Great Yule I learned I could be A Pirate and cool.
Then we heard him exclaim As he sunk from our sight Merry Yule to ye Pirates Have a magical night. (author note: Now hands me that there tankard an' git t' yer bunks!)

Mimi Foxmorton is a storyteller extraordinaire. She was profiled in Cap'n Slappy's "Profiles in Pirattitude" column and won the 2006 Talk Like a Pirate Day Buccaneer Bachelor Contest. You can visit Mimi Foxmorton at her blogs, Pirate Girl or Collage Pirate.

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